Does it translate to true contentment? I experienced another alcohol high and while it felt amazing, it also felt like a cop out, like (well) substance abuse. I am a happy, hilariously loud and horny drunk while my mind is telling me that I'm cheating only to feel good temporarily, to forget more somber issues. Should it be a problem? I'm not downing 4 shots of soju every day.
Another issue is feigning happiness, feigning contentment, feigning being a higher person. A better person. Am I? I don't know. If faced with a difficult situation or decision, what will I do? So far I've been able to turn around and avoid my stomach sinking like
Titanic a stone, but when it is no longer avoidable and I will have to witness it head on? Will I still be able to place myself in a happy mood by repeating the same positive words to myself? Will I be able to do what is needed and be a bigger person by being happy for others' fortune? I should be able to. I am capable of it. There is nothing my heart cannot hold. But will I?
Life grants you one chance; there are no "go back three spaces" passes. On one hand, there is nothing to be worried or sad about. Why place yourself in a position where you cannot live? On the other hand, a reckless abandonment of serious thinking in exchange for a lot of serotonin is not very prudent either. The middle ground. It's like climbing stairs.
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