nectarine blossom

I don't know if I'm immature, or if others are immature. I also know that this is the first day I've experienced this and am therefore probably just overthinking and overanalyzing again, like we females often do.

I feel isolated again. I was obviously left out during lunch plans today and was more or less what it felt like, shunned by my female classmates. I don't know if it's because I've been rude or impolite to them, or that whenever I've spoken I haven't contributed anything worthwhile to whatever small talk was going on, or whether whenever I've been asked before I invited more people, or when I planned a lunch out it ended up with us being late for class. I wonder if it's because of my behavior, because I'm giving off an aura of superiority whilst in class because of my (I'm being truthful here) superior listening and oral skills, which people don't like. I wonder if it's because of my personality, that I'd rather listen than talk, and when I talk I say something rather offbeat rather than in line with whatever concrete experiences and situations have happened. Because talking about how you studied Chinese back home all the time is boring; talking about the kinds of characters and how some words just flow is more fun. I wonder if because I have such a hard time with small talk, that when I've said what I wanted or needed to say I don't feel a need to stay and talk about how class is, if it's hard, stuff that I've deigned to talk about but am running out of patience with.

I also seem to be shunned by my male neighbors. They don't quite... say "Hi!" to me anymore, rather they seem to be giving me a shifty "Hello," then quickly shuffling away. I wonder if guys feel strange when they see a girl with a lot of male friends. It does seem rather true; I feel that I have more male friends than female friends. If you can even call them friends. Damn. I don't think I have any female friends. How did this happen?

I feel socially awkward even though I don't think I particularly am. I don't feel like I'm at that state where I'm craving attention back home, but I have picked up my phone to ask advice from someone who despite his gangster looks is quite in tune with the world, only to throw it down and dissuade myself by repeating that I am overreacting. I am overreacting. This post is a summary of my overreaction which I have written so that I will not call someone for advice on something that I'm clearly overanalyzing.