Orange Christmas Stocking

It's about as easy to get my brother to eat fruits and vegetables as it is easy to make a rattlesnake suck on its rattle. He's about as much of a bachelor as you can get; downright lazy, with mildewy clothing from leaving laundry in the washer for weeks. And yet, we had a breakthrough. It came down to this: at the aprés-Christmas dinner table, my grandpa told my brother to eat a tangerine, those Cutie brand things with loose skins. He politely refused. My older cousin, an auditor, asked my brother what problem he had with tangerines, because "tangerines are the fucking bomb." My brother shrugged and resumed playing his GameBoy. Cousin then told him that those tangerines are a bachelor's best friend; that his own friends kept an entire crate in the refrigerator because they were stupidly easy to eat, almost even easier than a banana. We then placed one in front of my brother. He looked at it incredulously, then picked it up. And started peeling. And blinked. And polished the tangerine off in 10 seconds. We placed another tangerine in front of him. Same thing. We placed another one in front of him. He gave me a dirty look.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you gave it away. This year, my brother learned to eat tangerines. And the fruit bowl will never again be empty.