families

I went to a baby shower today. I've always felt uncomfortable with complete homogeny and with conformity, and I wasn't sure why. And I felt uncomfortable today. The perfectly manicured lawns, the young children all around the same age, the moms and dads around the same age, really, seeming like slight versions of the other. It felt like a scene out of Stepford Wives, only with Asians. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this, but I personally felt uncomfortable. And my mother told me that it's my strange way of thinking, believing that it's weird. I'm not sure if it was just lost in translation. It's not weird, it's not wrong, or abnormal, but I was uncomfortable.

I haven't really found myself yet. It will take a while; I'm a late bloomer. But I will probably not follow the societally normal path of life that so many of my peers seem to be going down already... Settling down somewhere, buying a house, getting engaged, getting married, having children. I don't see that in my future right now. And deep down, I feel shame because while I openly endorse my so-called "non-conformist" future life, truly, I fear that I'm not worthy of that white-picket fence.

But anyway, it was like Asian Stepford barbecue today.